Well it has been nearly month since I embarked on Vipassana - and I am yet to write anything about it! So for the sake of peoples curiosity and my own records, Here is a brief account of my 10 tumultuous days of silence.
Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India's most ancient techniques of meditation. It was taught in India more than 2500 years ago and was spread all over the world by a guy called Goenka in the 60's. It is a practice of observation. You take a vow of noble silence (silence of body, speech, and mind) for 10 days where you do not speak, gesture, make eye contact with anyone. The experience is yours and yours alone and you basically live as a monk/nun for your time there.
As soon as I read about Vipassana a few years ago I wanted to do it, I applied last year but backed out at the last minute. But a year later decided I really wanted to give it a go and felt it was now or never. I must admit in the few hours leading up to it, resistance flooded in once more - I started whining and whinging about going (for who's sake I don't know, considering it was ME who was choosing to go) Nevertheless something in me obviously knew that it would be a good experience - so I begrudingly packed my bags, reminded myself that it wasn't going to kill me, and reasoned that I might as well "get it over and done with" ha.
A day at Vipassana goes something like this -
At 4am A big gong gets hit to wake you up - everyone is supposed to begin meditation at 4.30am for 2 hours - I tried this for the first few days but it fucking killed me - so I reasoned that obviously I am not yet spiritual enough to wake up at this ungodly hour - and slept in. You are meditating in total about 10 hours a day with breaks inbetween - sometimes in the group hall and sometimes in your own room. Men and women are seperated. (thank god!) as there were some extra sexy hippy boys there which I fantasized about enough from across the field - let alone if we were sharing the same peanut butter! You get breakfast at 6.30am and lunch at 11 - dinner is two pieces of fruit and students who have done the course before get zippo - ouch. You are eased into the technique slowly for the first few days but there is really not a lot to it - you observe the sensations on your body without reacting and that's about it - sounds simple. Hell no! All your shit is laid bare and you realise what a crazy wild beast your mind is and that you are a paranoid, psychotic freak with massive issues. Sounds awesome right?
For the first few days I was in this mind set - berating myself for being such a fucking masochist and choosing to put myself through such torture. Was this spiritual path always going to be one of pain and torture? Why couldn't I just be content with normality? Why is everyone else around me looking so calm? Why do I ask so many questions? I was completely paranoid, at one stage convincing myself that the manager was judging me as a spiritual imposter and then that the girl in the bed across from me had obviously moved her pillow to the other end of the bed because she didn't want her feet near mine and there was probably bad energy coming out of them - I know, what the fuck - your mind just goes nuts. The thing is, it's actually doing what it is always doing all day every day, but when you have books, music, people, drugs, food, internet, the busy craziness of life - we are able to constantly distract ourselves and not have the faintest idea what nutters we are. Despite all the tears, paranoia and pain, as the days pass you really get to an understanding about things and the realisations you have are AMAZING. No one is there to validate your experience when issues come up, so you are forced to deal with them alone and you really get in touch with an inner wisdom. It's fantastic. If you are up for the challenge I would reccommend anyone to go. There is no religious dogma or ritual about it - and you don't even have to pay any money for it. All the centres run by donation only, you give what you can afford if you feel you have gotten something out of it - which I can guarantee you will.
Being back for a month now I see how easy it is to fall back into normal life, to forget everything I have learnt and go back to the same old stuff. And admittedly I do slip at times - however I have a new sense of determination and understanding about myself which i truly believe has changed my life. Personal development is cool and shit guys. Get into it!
http://www.dhamma.org/
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