Yellow's Just Not My Colour

There are some really dedicated people out there.

Whether it be committing to a 6 year Uni degree or spending every weekend at the same club. I have often felt a mixture of contempt and envy for this kind. The kind, who with a hop step and jump find their path and with the finish line in view put down their determined little heads and commit to something, Its like their life purpose (or at least what DJ they will be rockin' to Saturday night) has already been easily uncovered and they are content to stick with it. But lately this fine line between someone with an admirable focus, and a boring creature of habit is becoming quite blurred for me.

Those of you who know me would know predictability and routine is not something I possess much of and I have often been quite determined for this to be the case. My path honestly resembles more of a non-environmentally friendly bush bashing session than a well-laid yellow brick road. I thrive on the un-known and the undiscovered. I am always making new friends, trying something different and discovering a new hobbie (which I won't necessarily stick to). I have had a number of fleeting friendships, conversations and connections with all types of people who are now just a distant memory or a random name and number in my mobile.

Now in hearing this any trained psychologist would probably write

"Vanessa is an extremely capable young woman whose fear of failure results in her never aiming to achieve anything significant in all facets of her life" *

And yeah to be honest, lately this sort of predictable psycho analysis has been making me question - Would my life actually be more significant and successful, if right now I chose a more predictable and direct path? And am I actually a free spirit, or really just a lost soul?

Firstly the question I think we really need to be asking is, What exactly is 'significance?' What is 'success'? Isn't achievement really just a subjective interpretation anyway? I think a lot of the time we forget that. Just because all the midgets are talking about it doesn't mean there's only one way to get to Emerald city. The Yellow Brick Road is a lovely little route – and perhaps I do seem like a flighty non-committal idiot for not taking it too. But maybe right now, Yellows just not my color.

What I've realised is there are a number of paths people can follow to get where they need to be, and although it's usually a lot easier to face the lions and tigers and bears (oh my) with someone by your side, it's not always the most beneficial. So whether you're bracing it alone or linked arms with a bunch of heart-less brain-less friends you picked up along the way, we all have things we need and I think if we follow our passion eventually we'll all be clicking our heels and ending up at the very same place anyway..here's hoping.

And I think this is just me and my way, destined to explore the unknown, to meet, to understand and to move on. And as sucky and cliché as it sounds- maybe I just have to make my own path – (and fuck the environment those apple throwing trees were assholes anyway)


So hopefully I'll catch you all at the Emerald City, but for now people, I've got a date with a flying monkey.



* For those of you who are wondering, I have not as yet recently received counselling - this is a fictional quote created by the me. (the queen of self scrutiny)









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